at this point.

there goes another one. another one that could have been. i guess i'm not ready to be in a relationship or dating or even taking that step one into talking to someone. i'm in my comfort zone and i'm not ready to move on yet. i'm not ready to fully give my heart to someone because i know how much it hurts to be in a relationship, sometimes. i can not deal with the emotions and the heartache that comes along with being a boy. having too worry or not worry about trusting him. letting him into your heart and soul then realize that it was for nothing. i am way too scared to have anyone take my heart. i am way too insecure and unstable for having a guy come to my life and share all my experiences with. i guess that is what happens when you get out of a long-term relationship. you know all the trials and tribulations already, so doing it all over with another guy... yeah that's freaking scary as fuck. i don't need to tell a guy that i love him, i don't need a guy to let him hold me at night, i don't need a guy to tell me what to do. this is my mindset right now and i feel pretty okay with it. being single right now is the best time for me, i get to challenge myself because for the first time in a long time, i am pretty independent. i might need a hand here and there but overall, i feel okay to just be by myself. i feel okay not to have anyone to call to when i get out of class. i feel okay not to have taco loco dates. i feel okay not to go on dates. i'm okay.

i have been rebuilding myself for the past year and i believe that i'm finally letting go of the past. i'm not letting go of the experiences that i made, i'm just letting go. i'm through playing games. i'm just completely over it and doing things for myself, doing things by myself... its something new and different. it's something that i'm going to learn for the next year and i am up for the challenge.